Saturday, April 29, 2006
I don't even want to know
when the tanya morgan album release party was.because then i may actually feel bad, but i believe it was the 14th or something. let me just be frank, it marked the first time in a long time i'd been out socially and also, the last time i have in a while. i just haven't had any motivation. i was a homebody prior to coming up here & now that I've been here a while, I think i've seen it all. Well, in the bjork sort of way. no i haven't seen the great wall, or even the statue of liberty, staten island, queens, the bronx, etc. I'm just over new york. I'm beating horses that've been dead for months, but eh.
hipsters are annoying... yet those are the only parties i'd be trying to moosy my way into, aside from ok related events or those occasional dyke or promise related things. i'd rather play susie homemaker (c) simone, waiting. whats the point? it's not like i feel bad, i thoroughly enjoy movie,crocheting & cleaning nights. besides, i'd just get myself into trouble. additionally, it doesnt help that going out cost a grip. i can drink at home.. enough of those $50 tab nights that weren't even fun.
and it really doesnt help that nobody else seems to be doing shit. it's not like i'm turning invitations down necessarily. when i do get the inkling to go out there simply doesnt seem to be much going on.
oh well. why i even feel compelled to justify my lonerism's to a blog is beyond me.
i'm going to walmart tomorrow and i have a feeling it'll make me happier than i've been in quite some time.
i really like noni's new song, brother. i wonder how she's doing.
hmm..looking at this blog itself i really wonder how it became so overwhelmingly girly. i dont think its really an accurate depiction of my personality. i mean, i do have a special affinity to poodles, my grandmother bred them & I can remember having 5 in my life time before we got roxie, who's 10 now. but my poodles were never cute and white..and pink? wtf. i don't even own anything pink. i need to goth this shit out. maybe not. my secrets out, i'm a 12 year old white girl at heart.
lauren alyse belle at 9:33 PM
final 25 things that make me happy!
76. crumbling herb (i like the way it feels, i don't smoke reefer)77. when people say reefer rather than something more modern
78. being buried underneath sand (something i miss sincerely)
79. getting to final chapters of books & putting them down
80. tv on the radio
81. foreign films, i really don't have a subpreference
82. painting
82. lady bugs
83. learning new dance moves
84. braiding hair, although i haven't done it in quite some time
85. wal-mart
86. vanilla smelling people
87. orchids, particularly vanilla & some that look like vaginas
88. being tickled til i almost pee
89. songs that make me lachrymose
90. inspiration, having a muse, having a muse who pushes me ( push me, muse)
91. one of the things that made me really happy was visiting the home i grew up in & upon commenting on how large this particular tree had gotten, my mom informed me that she planted it when I was born. so, i like to think of that tree as my plant counterpart..it's the most beautifullest cherry blossom ever. maybe i'll carve nyame dua into it & we'll really be matching.
92. drive in movie theatres
93. sunday's
94. volkswagens
95. smooth skin, particularly my own after i haven't shaved in weeks
96. watching marathons
97. color coordinating
98. did i already say typing essays on crowded trains? something about that makes me feel pressured to finish. "it's a good kind of fear"
99. sex
100. completing task.
lauren alyse belle at 8:56 PM
Friday, April 28, 2006
25 mas
51. a camel after a long day52. dancing
53. red lights
54. agreeable people
55. discovery channel
56. my dads minidisc
57. roxie! she's such a foxy little bitch
58. my aunts facial hair
59. addy, the americal girl
60. wigs
61. american apparel
62. rose wine
63. sly & the family stone's you caught me smiling
64. all the texts in my phone
65. black sheets
66. learning something new everyday
67. ultimatekelis.com
68. rap artist promotional posters
69. well, i like 69's alright
70. siboney
71. fela kuti
73. bozer breifs, on both of us
74. slap boxing
75. chubby stomachs
lauren alyse belle at 10:29 PM
Thursday, April 27, 2006
25 more things that make me happy
26. chili flavored ramen noodles27. when people confidently rock colored contacts
28. mangos
29. sitting on the porch smoking watching cars go by
30. when i get reception underground on the train & its a message i needed to read
31. ezili, lukumi, tsitsi, uchenna, LOUZOLO and karina..hell louango too
32. allen, alana, ajia, amirah, and jordan
33. my scholarship & the travel oppurtunities through it
34. cherry blossoms
35. cincinnati
36. jordan's hair styles
37. mcdonalds ice cream
38. ice capped mountains
39. barca foot ball
40. black fingernail polish
41. dresses
42. family guy
43. road trips to atlanta
44.last names that become first names
45. feather head dresses
46. sweeping
47. boycut jeans that dont flatter the booty
48. dancing with heels on/practicing my stripping
49. krumping and klowning
50. bbc- as in bbc.uk, big black cock, beautiful black chicks, etc.
lauren alyse belle at 9:02 PM
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
100 things that make me happy
One of my things i want to do within the next week is identify 100 things that make me happy. I think it's best for me to do this in installments, so 25 a day for the next 4 days & i guess these aren't exactly in order..that would take way too much effort.so, these things make me full of delight:
1. waking up
2. mocking birds that mock telephone rings
3. seeing people i've known since they were born become teens
4. remembering that i'm a teen myself
5. random phone calls from my father
6. expected phone calls from my mother
7. when itunes plays the song i've been dying to hear
8. changing someones mind
9. 75 degrees
10. buttface
11. the fact that he enjoys being called buttface
12. listening to bjork
13. the way naomi dances
14. trips in geneva
15. frozen mixed drinks
16. really rugged boots
17. waking up early
18. smiles
19. european fanta
20. watching cubs climb trees
21. bow legged girls
22. dreams that i can remember when i wake up
23. playing with clay in stream breaks
24. juelz santana
25. dr bronners soap
i could go on but i'm sure if i do it the aforementioned way it'll be a little more dynamic.
i had a draining day... which shouldn't happen under any circumstances when a person finds out they're sponsored a trip to egypt.
but.. it's been worked out i suppose. i spoke to ben, whom i havent heard from in quite some time.. i appreciate him because he's one of those people you may not see or talk to for an extended period but as soon as you do it's right back to normal. can't it be that it was all so simple then? out of my friends i still am in contact with, he's the one i've known the longest.. 7th grade. i don't talk to anyone from before then & jordy, naomi and them came afterward.
i'll get some good sleep tonight.
lauren alyse belle at 8:19 PM
Sunday, April 23, 2006
well shit
i got so carried away with doing d's blog that i didnt make time to write in my own. ..until now and i'm so tired that i really dont have shit to say. i realized that while html is probably easy as hell to designers and shit, it's difficult to my bootleg computer skills having ass. something that was pretty simple took me a long time. i swear he better utilize that shit. he's going to nigeria soon & i want to know all about it. i want to see it as well, so pictures nigga.i love these little adventures my school sends me on but shit i get no real break. i've only had one day to recover from a 6 hour time difference and 10 hours flying.
i's a little bit delirious and should really be comatose right about now.
tomorrow i'll write a real blog. i think i'll have something productive to say by then.
love ya, mean it (c) pop pop
shit, that reminds me. i need to call my neice, it's her 6th birthday. God, i feel old. I have a nephew thats 15 now. Living in london with his white ass grand mother. i really want to visit and have a reunion. i don't even think my brother has seen him in several years. oh jordan.
i bet he's on myspace some where.
lauren alyse belle at 8:02 PM
Thursday, April 20, 2006
it's secratery's day
wait..that wasn't relevanti aint no bonafide typer
thats awful
atleast they have a day
students aint got no day
slackers aint got no day
my knees hurt really bad
to the point where i dont wanna walk
i wanna lay down
cause even sitting makes them ache
im bored
& i aint got shit to say lately
cause im in no mans land
i was supposed to go karoeke with the south africans
but i was like ugh...
i think if i did maybe i'd miss a call from d
but he aint called me anyway
lol
he texted me to say he goin to bed at 10:30
LAME
i dunno why im talking shit
my aching bones saying it's about that time as well
:)
lauren alyse belle at 2:40 PM
Sunday, April 16, 2006
the opposite
in paris & italy i suffered from bowel movement performance anxietyhowever, something i ate gave me a stomach virus. i can't stop shitting.
actually, it's happening to a few of us.
last night my friends were denied from a club for being black & having dreads. i really don't even want to elaborate but i will say it so it's not lost in time. i am pissed & even more upset that everyone's warnings about austria were true. yes, they really are racist. what's funny is that the 2 white guys who accompanied and invited us out to the club were, as i found out later, south african. they were cool & didn't seem to have any racial baggage. who knew? they seemed genuinely cool like white kids who grew up in diverse communities in the same socioeconomic arena. but, then again, i aint REALLY talk to them mofos.
i guess i just had an ideal about the first white south africans i'd meet & all the blatant issues they'd have. thanks for proving me wrong, yt.
today we did a walking tour of salzburg. it's depressing that i dont even have anything to tak epictures of. it's not very impressive but i'm trying to enjoy it. theres a huge library so i've been reading.
black liberalism
black marxism
guns germs & steel
&
communism of latin america
they're what i'm reading now. once i get tired of that i'm re-reading nervous conditions. i already read temple of my familiar. it's still my favorite book.
the conversations about globalization, cultural sensitivity, diversity & american identity have been absolutely stimulating thus far. it's always interesting to hear stories of nyer's experiences in terms of those aforementioned topics because they're so one sided. during discussion i shared my little age old tale of how nobody'd asked me "what are you?", meaning where are you from, until i came to new york. so many shocked faces.
today one afrodominican came to terms with the fact that he's BLACK. nigga lookin like tar yet prefaced everything with "in DR we..." or "I'm dominican, so......." but he was just like fuck it, my black ass didn't get in the club just like you regnig's. it was interesting.
anyway, even though it's 6 pm EST, i'm dead ass tired & have to be up at 3am EST. yes i'm a american whore who can't adapt or think in anything euro. speaking of which, i've been successful in not spending very many.
good night & good luck.
lauren alyse belle at 3:26 PM
Thursday, April 13, 2006
i stole this from postsecret
I guess the first thing I wondered was if the person who wrote this was white. I'm already hip so I guess i just wish i had an afro. i could buy me an afro wig, but i'd rather let my own grow. i realized the other day i haven't had hair longer then 2 inches in over 2 years now. i don't even know what it's like. hair cutting is my nervous condition though & it really doesn't help that i think i look best with a caesar. whenever i'm transitioning and see a picture of me with short ass hair i'm running to find my clippers. but i want to get me a nice big fro & be fembohoesque for once. we'll see.i packed all of my stuff into a medium carry-on bag. I feel rather accomplished because i told myself i'd make this trip my experiment on efficient light packing for my nomadic future. things are really starting to look up on that end. once i figure out what i'm going to do with myself in pointe-noire or ghana or tanzania (lol) i'll feel a little bit better. i'm glad it's all out in the open & i can discuss plans with my parents so that they'll warm up to the idea of me moving to the other side of the world. they've got a while though. in july he'll meet the parents. i don't think anything i say will express how loopy my father is so i dunno, i'm apprehensive. but who cares, i'm glad we're going to ohio. perhaps it'll make some aspects of who lboogie is more clear.
i feel really drained right now because of arguing about dumb shit. luge called me the hulk. in a way he's right.. cause my reaction is always like calm>cool>mad>angry>mean as hell>over it
it comes out of no where sometimes but quite frankly i just dont even care enough to have regards for anyones feelings once im truly pissed off. then after i say whatever im feeling no retort or apologies, whatever, will phase me. once i get whatever off my chest i really could care less about what you gotta say cause i be over it mad quick. i dont hold on to anything.
well.
i hope i have the net over there.
i need some batteries for my digi cam
shiiiiiiiiit
lauren alyse belle at 9:38 PM
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Lush!
I'm drunkengood times were had this evening but im tore up & can't even amek a edcent post!
happy birthday boo!
& dgoodngit hoes!
lauren alyse belle at 8:20 PM
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Ok, so I'm excited
And that is something to celebrate....since i'm usually so apathetic.I'm finally on spring break (so late, considering everyone else has been back in school) so I'm relieved that I can just chill out for once. Well, thats not entirely true because I still need to do a 20 page paper's rough draft and that'll be on my mind until I complete it. But yea,only 2 free days though, and then i'm headed to stay in a castle. Yes, a bonafide castle... I'd been putting off my google searches and web site perusal because I really didn't have time to care about austria until now. But damn, look at this view.
It's gorgeous and happens to be just outside the city. I think I may enjoy being there because it seems and looks as if I can relax and do simple things to myself. One thing i hated about italy was the lack of me time..everything was group oriented and planned. This conference has a lot of free time scheduled & me and sabrina are already on a mission to find some hash and chill. she's a cool girl. still calls me chou chou even though i told her i aint no damn cabbage! but i happen to fancy her presence a lot.
I finally sent my mother a picture of D. I dunno why I waited.. maybe because when i went to paris i lied & said he was 20 and he's really 23 (he'll be 24 in less than 1 hour) and i dunno, i played it off as i'm going to stay with a friend of a friend from school and i knew if she say him before i went she'd be like.. um, you love this nigga. Anyway, we had a conversation that went something like this:
He's cute! i approve, he's a fine one girl. my grandbabies will be cute, yea. ... wait... tell this man of yours to make enough money to send you home every now and then, i cant be coming to africa, i like american soil."
and i say, "well, meet me in paris, america is foar (mocking tione in belly's 'africa is foar')
to which she replied "didnt you hear me? i like american soil. ill see you and your little refugees on my own land"
um..who asked you all that mom? i really wish she'd leave the country. well shit we'd have to start with her leaving ohio first cause she barely does that. my dad's been everywhere and done everything, it's an interesting dynamic. i think she travels vicariously through me.
aww, i miss her.
for the first time ever, a woman tried to hook me up with her son today. i guess i'm coming into that age where old people wanna hook me up with nice young men they know. while waiting for the instructer of african dance, this woman takes me aside and asked if i was married to which i replied a blunt "yes". i really wasn't sure why she was asking but in order to avoid any uncomfortable conversation i said yes so she'd have nothing to work with. She says, "okay, well let me show you my son" and she does. it's a picture of the 2 of them. A grown ass 28 year old man and his mother in matching outfits cept her shirt was pink and his blue. Unfortunately, she was serious. She seems very underdeveloped. I think she must have been all of 12 when she had him. I wish I could scan that shit..it was fucking akward fam.
What's fucked up is that I have a 5 hour break between classes & i decided to wait today and when 5:30 finally came around i realized class was canceled. I also started my period today so i was on a mission to get tylenol & tampons when i could have been home chillaxin. PISSED.
but i made me a mango orange peach smoothie tonight. that shit was piff.
now, here's the quote of the evening brought to you by my favorite muslim.
Sufisabur: WOW U HAD OKP SEX WITH AN AFRICAN
Sufisabur: U BRAVE
...goodnight.
lauren alyse belle at 7:02 PM
Monday, April 10, 2006
One more thing
Me & DonWont courtesy of Koku LaChapellelauren alyse belle at 10:21 PM
i wish i had synaesthesia
i think it would give me that extra umph. make me a bit more interesting...or hungryi don't have a good eye for art anymore. I need to take a photography class cause I really enjoyed that during high school but now days i aint doin shit but scribbling. hmm.. i still love this picture,
I do tend to associate names with shapes but these synaethesiest are crazy! associating numbers with colors and so forth. I have the envy. Now that I think about it I do have tendencies, like this is how i see numbers 123456789. most of my life dreams are in green and blue. they're also my favorite colors.
I'm driving myself a little crazy by not changing the channel. Since i lost the remote (4 months ago) the tv is stuck on UPN. Nothing but girlfriends,bernie mac and king of queens repeats. I need some substenance! Netflix.......send a sister her shit!
My mom likes matsiahu, that jewish rapping fool. I bet he lives around here some where. She called me to tell me about him like it was something new.
I'm slowly but surely watching M play herself via myspace. Luge confirmed my suspicions,we think i fucked her up. She been lookin a hot ass mess since i fired her. Like, the bitch doesn't even wear lip gloss. It's rather awful if you ask me.
enough for today. i just had to block a fag over some bullshit..i cant even think straight.
lauren alyse belle at 7:56 PM
Sunday, April 09, 2006
accomplishing a little
I did enough of my paper to be able to finish it tomorrow by 5:30I just don't feel like doing it anymore and I should go to sleep now because I need more than 7 hours of sleep tonight so I wont have a case of the mondays.
I have a mandatory meeting tomorrow at 9, which means I have to get up at 7:30.
But finally I'll see what this conference is all about.
I made a 43.things account today & so far it's been useful. I love love love making list.
Why does my room smell like barbeque sauce?
I need to start my diet, which means no weed, soon. I had crazy munchies these past 2 days.
I've eaten: chicken fingers, 3 serves of black beans and tomato rice, chicken & brocoli stir fry, 3 pop siscles, 3 oranges, an apple, corn, 2 peices of tilapia, shrimp mei fun, double cheese burger, fries, 2 peices of chicken, wild rice, apple sauce, 3 cookies & i believe thats it.
oh & cheetos and a pop siscle
lets of juice too
i feel fatty
lauren alyse belle at 9:02 PM
Saturday, April 08, 2006
i aint do nothin today
but i did have some bloody orangeaid&
i did watch a number of films
-anchor man
-troy
-office space
-nowhere in africa
i feel drained even though i didn't do anything at all
maybe it was all the snacks. munchies are not cool.
someone should invent some no calorie muchie killer
i talked to my mom today about moving & she hit me with the "whatever, nigga" response she's so keen on giving. i don't know why i always get so apprehensive about speaking to her on matters concerning D. I tend to forget that she can't kick me out or cut me off anymore.. I should be more accertive but she put fear in my heart. i can still remember beatings like they were yesterday & incidents with The ShoeTM. I should really learn how to say exactly what i feel to my mother. she probably won't even care.
i feel awful, i missed sabrina's birthday. I simply couldnt get up & out. Perhaps it was the long islands last night being chased with pot this morning. Maybe it was even the gloomy weather. Either way..that shit was NOT happening.
I'm setting up a 43 things account in a minute. I need to get a lil more organized.
5 days until austria. 3 until D becomes an old man.
lauren alyse belle at 11:23 PM
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
We went to a ball
The other day..
it was...gay.
i wish i blogged about it then cause i was all hyphy & shit
but now i'm a little less then excited because of the attitude (shade) me & the homie esila recieved on walk4mewednesday, the ball communities main web site.
the pictures are cool though
This is our house........... Elle.
although i was discussing how bothered i was by how everyone in this scene seems to want to anglocize everything. theres not 1 white person in any house or at any ball yet all the gay men take on these white persona's (anastacia beaverhausen & madonna for example) and the houses are named milan, manolo blahnik, etc.
whatever, i'm over it
today i got an unexpected $300. I'd turned in some reciepts for reimbursement and totally forgot about it. last night i prayed to the ancestors for some $ to fall into my hands and it happened. i was actually being facetious and said to myself GET A JOB HOE but shit....god works in mysterious ways.
after i cashed my check i went to my local bootleg lady and spent $15 on the latest dancehall mix tapes. upon seeing me she says "you look like the soulful type...you like r&b?" and i said "uh..no.. actually i'm looking for either dancehall or some crunk shit" then some how that led to her trying to sell me reggaeton. thats offensive to me. i hate that shit. & again she hit me with the "oh i thought you was spanish". i should start counting how many times i get this.. I need a fucking tan like yesterday.
austria in 8 days.. still don't know a word of german. oddly enough my father speaks it. i wasn't privy with this fact until i shared my desire to atleast know the basics and he starts telling me this & that. how could he have not told me this before? i didn't get it. he said he took it in college because at the time all the chem majors did & he's a volkswagen geek.
this blog is sloppy.
im tired but i wanted to write.
i decided to write my short story.
lauren alyse belle at 9:02 PM