Wednesday, June 14, 2006
just got in
realized i haven't blogged or updated my myspace in a while. then again i haven't done much of anything at all lately. i've been feeling pretty, uh, down (c)burger pimpanyway, i had a lil bit of an anxiety attack this morning. my mother suffers from them & i was recently thinking about them and hoping it was not something id pick up and here i was, eyelids twitching, heart racing, hands shaky, feeling overwhelmed. i couldn't fathom why, all of my stress is basically over. then again this really won't be the first time that i had a physical reaction to stress after the fact. whatever the case, i hope its out of my system.
Sooo...here's the update!
Apparently theres an angel looking out for your gyal. Things always seem to fall into place. A dean vouched for me..basically during the committee's meeting about my status they were bickering and he essentially stood up and said something to the effect of "Forget a C! Have you forgotten that this is an 18 year old girl who packed her shit up and moved to NYC? She has more balls than most of these students and her potential is so great!" Thats how the story was retold to me. But, there are still conditions. I have to take an online class on arts & civilizations and an upperlevel philosophy class with "the hardest professor in the school". Ahh, fuey. So, I must get A's in those classes to stay on scholarship. I'll do it, whatever. Two classes isn't going to break me & they don't even interfere really. Now this hardest professor business isn't going to scare me. I'll figure this dude out and if i'm not smart enough for the class, i'll manipulate my way into an A. I can do it. Me thinks.
I'm sorry for being all -Oh my god I'm moving my life is over- Its not even that i'm dramatic, i'm just tragically pessimistic most of the time. I really didn't see any way for this to work out in my favor. I underestimate how highly people think of me. which sucks cause then i feel obligated to be something.
whats funny is they were all like, yea and your incentive is that this winter instead of italy we're going to paris!
im like, oh yea? and?
and they're like, don't you want to go?
im like, ugh...maybe..
not.
oh, i reread this and by the way, i am NOT still 18. I was when I moved. It's really weird to think, I feel so...grown. Woe is me. This is my life as a tweenager.
lauren alyse belle at 11:43 PM