Friday, June 16, 2006
dealing with death
when you're away from family is some tough shit.my grandfather passed tonight. i was out with koku, we'd just gotten back to bed-stuy after a long ass day riding bikes to the beach. my mom calls me & is inquiring about what i'm doing..but not in her usual nosey kind of way, but concerned. i'm like..i'm out and about, why? she's like i have something to tell you, call me in the morning or when you're alone. i pretty much knew when she said that so i urged her to get on with it..to confirm my suspicion.
we all pretty much knew it was coming. he's been sick for some time. the last time i was home ( a couple of weeks ago) i visited him in the hospital. i didn't really want to, simply because i hate for that to be my last memories of people. it was of my paternal grandmother and i really don't remember her being anything but bed ridden. he was sedated & mumbling, but i feel like he may very well have felt my presence and have appreciated me being there. i don't know either way, but thats what i'll live with.
man, he was really some guy though. someone who personified the pay off of hard work. totally made his way in the world with his hands & common sense. he was born in back woods kentucky, with like 15 siblings, and didn't surpass 4th grade because of his families need for him on the farm. but he left eventually for cincinnati to work at general electricity, which gave him enough to provide for the family..but he also invested and bought up tons of stocks when they were cheap. he met my grandmother when my dad was a youngin & raised him as his own. after him & grandma called it splitsville, he adopted my pops cause they had more of a bond than my pops and his own ma. really, thats a decent dude to take another mans child and raise him. i didn't even know that backstory until i was a teenager myself. he'd always treated me like his little angel and knowing that, i have nothing but respect and love for him.
i know my dad is torn up & i wish i could be there for him... or him for me.
anyway, pour some liquor out for poppie, yall.
rip emmitt wilkinson.
take good care of my grandmas!
and seriously, remember folks, make peace with your relatives before they pass. theres nothing like being able to say good bye without any regrets.
love.
lauren alyse belle at 10:53 PM