Monday, May 22, 2006
Spring Blossoms
Ernest AttahShall I compare thee,
Fair creature of an hour,
To a spring blossom,
Bursting forth in lovely splendor,
Or yet shall I,
Thou apple of my eye,
Compare thy charms,
To the silvery moon on a summer's eve?
No, I won't-go wash off thy disgusting make-up.
---
I was having an awful day until I read that. Now that's going to lead me to 2 different tangents.
1. My school fucked me over. To make a long story short they think I'm at risk & won't pay for my study abroad until my grades are in, two weeks from now. Yet the deadline for payment is next week, and they told me this today. My only option is to pay for it & they'll reemburse me if my grades indeed prove to be exemplary. Meanwhile, I'm confident that I'll have a 4.0. I wonder why I wasn't at risk when the trips were to Europe. Anyway, I was distraught because I wasn't sure were the money was going to come from. I certainly couldn't come up with $2,600 in less than a week and I felt betrayed that they'd pull something like that on me. I even flirted with the idea of leaving the program. I guess it's important to note that a month ago I was given 2 options, attending summer school or study abroad. I opted to do the latter & now it's too late to do classes & I simply don't want to. But doing something is mandatory. So, for about 4 hours today I was crying and worrying to death because I felt trapped. Like, suddenly I had to come up with over 2 stacks. Seems like a pretty fucked up thing to do to a student during finals week, but whatever. My mom said she'll front me the money. I tend to stress about money a lot, simply because i never want to have to ask anyone for it. Quite frankly I can already see this stirring up some issues with him. We're adults here, and if we're going to take grown up steps we need to think like grown ups. He seems to think that the sky's the limit and I can do whatever I want, but I tend to be a lot more practical. Like, we were discussing the options we'd have if I did pull out of this program. While it's what I want & it would indeed be extremely liberating, I'd also lose my income & have nothing to fall back on. I haven't been employed for nearly a year and it's too little too late to transfer to another school. So, I feel stuck & it's a little disheartening to hear him say "You're 19, you shouldn't be worried about it." As if age denotes responsibility. If now isn't the time to worry about it, when is? Because if I did what I wanted to do, which is leave this god forsaken place, I'd be looking forward to my parents guest room and a job at Urban Outfitters, at best, and that my dear readers is not a good look.
2. That funny little poem was among many in a book I picked up on a whim at the library. I realized it was due back today, despite the fact that it's collected dust since I took it out. So, during my long ass train ride I perused it and regretted not giving it attention. I got there and asked for an extention & was promptly denied. Some bullshit excuse that I tuned out after "no..". I want to own the book though, Okpaku's New African Literature and the Arts. I guess what Bongo said was true because while the title says "African" all of the contributors were indeed naija. It had an interesting essay about african anglophone literature being better than francophone because english has less rules and is more fun, as opposed to the formal and serious francais. However what I really got from it was that Nigerian literature is the best Africa has to offer. (My favorite book ever is out of Zimbabwe, but my 3rd is out of Nigeria, no it's not Achebe, but Zaynab Alkali). Man, I have to get my hands on it again. I decided that perhaps I don't like being an africana studies major. I need to find a school with a good african lit major. It's
pretty much the only fiction I enjoy.
lauren alyse belle at 9:56 PM